Quotes for September
The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being
You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die, or when. You can only
Life isn’t a matter of milestones but of moments. --- Rose Fitzgerald
Legacy of stuff (Part 4)
In the previous 3 Tip Sheets, I wrote about what to do with the stuff of loved ones who have passed away, and how important it is to communicate with your friends and family about the stuff that YOU might leave behind.
So the questions to start with is: what you are leaving behind and why the heck are you hanging on to that?
Do you understand that for centuries, a family would buy a well built table or chair, or a beautiful lamp or set of dishes, and pass it on to their grown children who happily used it in their house. BUT their house was fairly bare, even the well-to-do didn't have a LOT, and so the new item was a wonderful welcomed addition to their home.
But this is the 21st Century. No generation in the history of the world has ever had as much "stuff" as we have. Think about days of yore when people put all their earthly possessions in a covered wagon to travel out west. Think of the end of the movie, Fiddler on the Roof, where the whole household fit into a cart that they could push like a wheelbarrow to the next town.
In this century, we cannot save all our stuff to pass on to the next generation. There is TOO MUCH of it, and they probably don't want it anyway. It used to be an honor to receive the crib, highchair or bassinet that once belonged to a parent or grandparent. Today, it might be declared "unsafe" and something you would not want to pass on.
We don't even realize how we are so swamped with more stuff than any other generation. While on a tour of Frank Lloyd Wright's home in Oak Park, IL, we saw that the master bedroom closet was no more than 3 feet wide. There was not enough space in the room to fit an additional closet such as a portable wardrobe. I asked the tour guide about where did Mrs. Wright put all her clothes, and she explained that ninety years ago, women had only a few dresses. No need for a big closet.
My cousin Mike died at a young age, leaving no family except me. His house was neat and clean, he was not a Pack Rat, but as his best friend, Harry, and I went through his garage, basement, workshop and attic, we constantly asked, "What was he thinking?"
As we came across 8 coffee cans filled with rusty, bent nails that could
not possibly be used, we said, "What was he thinking?"
There's the question of the day: Look at what is cluttering up your house, your office, your life, and ask "What the heck am I thinking by saving this?"
Now, many of you wrote that after reading last month's Tip Sheet, you want to tell your family and friends what you would like each of them to have, but you think it would be very weird or awkward to do. Here are some very creative ideas from two of our Outrageously Perceptive Readers:Dear Rita,
Thank you for your “Legacy of Stuff” Tip Sheet today. We recently brought up-to-date our trust, wills, power of attorney, etc. We have it in a 3-ring binder with a Table of Contents.
In the front pocket of the notebook we have placed a sheet titled “Suggested Distribution of Items Upon Death of Both Parties.” We have included a selection of items for our family members. We feel very good about having done this and especially since it is only a suggestion.
We love all your help on getting rid of clutter and we are doing so much better! Please let us know if you get back to our San Diego area.
Jean & Roy (Dolphin Guy) Mosteller , California
If there was more than one color dot on an item then she knew there was
a potential problem and had all of the claimees work out a solution at that
time while she was there to act as arbitrator. That was twenty plus years
ago and she is still here and there is so much additional stuff that we
should probably have another "dot party".
Well, all of you Perceptive Readers out there, that's it for "Legacy
of Stuff" and thinking about death.
MORE IDEAS ON CLUTTER from another Perceptive Reader
I'm really sensitive to my environment and love my home to look and feel welcoming, tidy and full of character, but I realised the stress of storing so much stuff in hidden places was really aggravating me.
Well I have taken your amazing advice, and just began to do a little at a time... Below the kitchen sink is sparkling and open and organised, the bathroom too, and I FEEL so much more ... capable and proud of myself. ... and a little addicted to it now. Everyday I say a little mantra "Everything in it's place, and a place for everything.." and just close my eyes when I have to actually toss something into the waste.
I agree it begins with bringing less home in the first place, and even though I am an anti-consumption type of gal, yard sales and second hand stores are still a weakness for some of us who try to be more 'environmental' and are good at finding amazing deals of high end things... but in the end it's still just STUFF.
I digress, but now am going to check out
Procrastinator's Handbook as well, since they go hand in hand, and I
need some help there too! Your words really motivated me to get to work
on my wee place, and now it already feels lighter and brighter.
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